I’ve been reflecting on these past few years.
After a depressive slump, and a slew of following episodes that incapacitated me for years, i went into self care mode.
I worked hard at being happy. I worked hard at going out. I worked hard at making friends. I worked hard at laughing.
I am lucky to have a supportive family that was able to help me out through this very nothing period of my life.
As previously explained: I am good!
It is easier to talk and and laughing too hard is inevitable at this stage of my life.
I did good!
I am OK.
But the purpose of this blog is the next step in life.
I worked so hard at letting go that i simply let go!
I feel i am on steady enough ground to work hard at working hard, too =]
And this is my experiment with you.
I didn’t update this blog because i created it as fall semester ended and i “studied” for finals.
The winter break is almost done and school will start in a week!
So here is the first step of my new life:
I am learning to wake up on time.
And trust me, it has not been easy!
The first day day i woke up at 8 am (slow), only to enter into an uncomfortable state between sleep and consciousness.
While awake for a few seconds i entered dreams in which i slept, i dreamed, i fretted over a nagging need to keep moving and drink water.
Not the weirdest dreams I’ve had, but very uncomfortable, yes!
That day i fully awoke three hours later more tired than wen i woke up
I blame the habit that helped me get out of bed so many times throughout my depression:
Lying awake, for a few hours every morning, thinking about the day and the things that would happen.
That was in an effort to force myself to believe life had a point.
But this habit no longer holds relevance..
So i must make a new one.
And so, today:
I woke up after my alarm had bee going off for 30 minutes to hear it shut off on its own.
I turned on my computer.
Searched a “morning stretches” video on YoutTube, and have been awake since.
Something that small.
from now until the next slump, until my next revival, until my next slump, until i can deal with all the states of mind my brain can throw at me =]